No Wedding Bells Please!!
“We should also start searching a match for…“, I overheard my aunt say when I accidentally happened to pass through the room. It made me stop dead on my way out. They stopped talking abruptly when they saw me standing there. I was obviously fuming by now. I walked out of the house on the pretext of meeting a friend. In reality I wanted a break from my own home.
The wind was blowing hard signalling the impending storm that was long due, not only outside but also inside. As the wind tried to soothe my nerves, playing with the loose strands of my hair, the thoughts in my mind just refused to take the exit door. Here I was at this nascent stage of paving a career path for myself but all I could see the big mountain “M” in front of me. I was still figuring out (just like the others of my age) what I wanted out of my life and all they could think of was kicking me out of the home(ok, that’s not the nicest way of saying it, but I’m angry remember?). I don’t know where to go, that’s why may be they think the other home is the place to start with.
My Birthday went by quietly two months ago, but it doesn’t matter, I was least excited about it. I’m usually the one who just loves birthdays; be it mine or someone else’s. But not this time. The number my age is now, is scaring me, literally. That’s THE marriageable age for girls in our Indian society. Oh god, I’m already getting goosebumps. Why fear? You may ask.. Well there’s lot of it.. I have just begun my journey to be an independent young girl, wouldn’t the big M scare me? But to think of it I wonder, shouldn’t my mom be scared of it too. The daughter who is her everything, without whom she feels so lonely. With Me gone just for a few months and with no hope of getting leaves anytime soon, she is finding it hard to come to these facts just like me. And then on the other hand she is trying hard to plan my wedding, if only I agree to it. I don’t know how will she live with the facts then that I won’t be home for most of the festivals. Someone else will become more significant and might have larger share of my vacations. I am not ready for this yet. My heart aches at the thought of it and just a little imagination sends tears down my cheeks.
By now (if you are still reading), you might have come to believe that I’m against this institution of marriage but no, I’m not against it. I’ve seen the best and the worst of marriages around me but that doesn’t put me against it. But to add to my misery at the moment, the people in my friend list are also getting married. We are of the same age, as my mom says. But there are priorities different to everyone. And this is definitely not the first priority of mine at the given moment. I just want to say that obviously I also want to take that big step but all I ask now is a little time and I’m not even asking for anything that you can’t give me.
So, I speak, on the behalf of every girl who is in her early-20-something for I know most of us share the same thoughts. We just just ask for a little time. We ask for a little time to learn to be independent. We ask a little time to fulfill our dreams and also those of yours which we have seen in your eyes since the time you first held us in your arms. What happened to those dreams? What happened to those words that taught us not to listen to this society just for the sake of it, specially when it tells us to crush our beautiful dreams. Why are you listening to it now, and not us? We know you have always been there for us and always will be, so no offense when I say that we need a little time to be financially independent too. We need a little time to be strong enough to take the plunge when we do. We need a little time to gain strength to walk together with our respective partners, instead of following them blindly. We need a little time to be brave enough to be our partner’s strength not weakness. We need a little time to be confident enough so we aren’t a burden to our future better half. This is all we ask! This is all I ask!! Is too much to ask from the people who have brought us up in 21st century and not 20th.
What do you think about marriage? In your opinion, when should a ‘girl’ should get married?
Hugs… As a strong advocate of marriage – I would say, get married when you want to, to the person you want to marry.
Marriage shouldn’t change the inherent person you are. It’s not the platform to snip your wings, your career …
Marry when you think the time is right.
A good marriage will not take you away from your parents, but you could gain another set of well wishers in your in laws.
It’s not ideal, there is no such thing as the perfect marriage. But, when you are ready for it – you won’t mind the changes that come with it.
Hugs!
Big hugs, Nibha! I guess we have all been subjected to situations like these. In the Indian context, marriage and chikd-bearing is all that a female life means. People need to grow beyond these to enable our country to progress further. These neighbourhood aunts and relatives have no job other than poking their nose in every single affair of a household with a daughter or daughter-in-law. Chase your dreams with your heart before getting into the whirlwind named marriage and motherhood.
The answer to that question should not be about age.
It should be “when you are ready”.
It should be “when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with”
Yes, society adds its own pressure to everything but then the person living that married life is you – so your opinion should always matter more.
Our cultures are very different so it is difficult to answer. But, in my culture — marry who and when you want to and hopefully it will be forever. My marriage is going on 45 years. It is my second marriage — I was too young the first time.
Hey Nibha, hugs to you. I am glad to see you wanting to pave your way in your own time. Every girl should in my opinion do just that. See, live, feel, experience, enjoy life with the independence of bachelorhood, yet with the security and comfort of the parent blanket, free of the tensions and travails of education. Live your life girl, but not indefinitely. Set yourself a time frame – a point at which you think it will be alright for you to accept marriage and inform your parents of the same. They deserve to understand your reservations and POV. No one is actually totally ready or gets any bells ringing to know that they are ready for marriage. But you do what you have to do….don’t worry things will fall in place!
I agree with Pixie above, get married when you want to and with whom you want to; I am almost beyond the ‘so-called marriageable age’ but have not given in to my pestering parents’ wishes just for the sake of it. You have worked hard to reach where you are, enjoy it first! 🙂
Super awesome!
Uff! Decisions and more decisions. There is no ‘right time’ for marriage. Plus there is no perfect marriage. things will change and you’ll just adjust to it – if you are in sync with the person you get hitched to. The decision to marry or not and when to, should be in your hands – not society’s
Interesting and enjoyable read! I think a girl (and a boy) should get married when they feel ready, and would like to themselves .. too much pressure out there…
Toughie… And I dont think there is a “perfect” answer to this. It depends on person to person. So when a certain age would be perfect to me, well it need not really be perfect to another person!!.. When the right person comes, and all things fall in place.. thats the right age to get married.
I would suggest any girl to WAIT before taking the plunge. Wait and live a little, for yourself, before beginning the journey wherein you will have to nearly forget yourself, for the rest of your life! Live a little, enjoy your freedom a little, work/fulfil YOUR dreams, a little. And, then, when you feel you are ready for it, get married. But, again, do it only if you WANT to get married, not because you HAVE to get married.
Sad, isn’t it, that this is something every girl is forced to go through? There is no right “age” to get married. There’s a right “time” for some, but this age old concept of marriageable “age” is just not right. Marriage isn’t something that can be rushed into. Period. Wish our elders understood this.