Dear Someone, I Wish Could Forgive Me || 30 Letter Series

Dear Someone, I Wish Could Forgive Me,

Hi.. This is a letter I’m writing to you after gathering all the courage from every corner of my heart. I’m not of the braver lot, you know that right? I have done mistakes, silly ones, terrible ones, funny ones, harmful ones too; and you have seen them all and forgiven me for almost every mistake I ever did. Except one. Neither did I ever had the courage to ask forgiveness for it, nor were you ever so strong enough to forgive me. But today I ask for it.

You know that guilt that comes after you realize that a decision you took was a big big mistake…yes that’s the sea of guilt I have been swimming in all these years. I tried hard to let go of it, to forget it but I simply couldn’t snap it out of head, out of my heart. It was always there in some corner of my heart, in some crevices of my mind. I hid it away, deep, somewhere so deep that nobody would ever know. I had no intention of sharing it with anyone. I felt ashamed of it. I felt so stupid having done that. Anyone who would have come to know would have labelled me as foolish. But what I didn’t know that somethings can’t be hidden forever. It, the guilt, resurfaced again and again and again, and the pain was unbearable then. Tears would flow endlessly, but I couldn’t explain the reason to anyone because nobody had ever seen that part of me, nobody knew what’s it like having done something like it and having to live with it every single moment for the rest of the life, nobody would have understood how one thing can change the whole path of life…

I know, I make it sound like a very awful mistake, while others might not even consider it one. But still, I ask you, To forgive me for what I did years ago… To accept the fact it was a little girl of seventeen who knew what she wanted but didn’t knew how to get it… she didn’t knew which way she should go.. To let go of the past.. To accept me as I am, full of flaws.. I also want you to know that all these years those dreams are still very much there in my eyes..and you know eyes never lie, right?
Yes, today I ask you to forgive me…your younger self…

Looking for those eyes to look back at me with forgiveness…
~N~